Resident Evil 4 Parody
by Edward's Sweetheart
Summary: This story is just like the game, but as a Parody. Guarantied Laughs through out the whole story! Rated M for language and some sexual comments and gestures.
1. The High Villager

Resident Evil 4 Parody

This story is just like the game, but as a Parody. Guarantied Laughs through out the whole story! Rated M for language and some sexual comments and gestures.

Chapter One

High Villager

'_My name's Leon and I'm on a mission to save some chick named Ashley. She's the President's Daughter that was kidnapped. No surprise there. But judging by her picture, she looks HOT! So I decided to take on this mission.'_

"Hey you." Came a Spanish accent.

"Whaaaaat?" Leon rolled his eyes from the window at the passenger in the front of the car as he interrupted Leon's thoughts.

"How about some tunes, eh?"

"What ever." Leon turned to look back out of his window. _'Tree, Tree, Tree, Bolder, Bush, Weed plant….GOD I want some weed…'_

"Great!" The man turned on the radio and Fergalicious by Fergie started playing. "OOOOH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" The man started dancing and singing to it. "Fergalicious Definition make them boys go loco. They want my tresure so they get their plesures from my photo nananana I ain't sleazy OH yeh Resons! They come and go like sesons! Fergalicious!" He sang teribly and started going off into his own world. Leon sighed and tried not to go crazy with the singer and lack of weed. "Oh Damn! Gotta take a piss!" The car stopped and he got out, still singing badly.

The man in the driver's seat offered Leon's a cigerette. _'NO DAMN IT I WANT WEED!'_ he yelled in his mind, but passed. The man got back into the car and they drove off. They finaly reached the house and Leon got out of the car, holding his head. He had a horrible headache.

"Be quick, we want to go." The passenger said.

"Screw you…" Leon muttered and walked away. She started to walk twards the house and some some birds. A smile crept across his face and he aimed at one and shot it. It fell to the ground and he walked up to look at it. "What the hell?" He picked up 200 PTAs. "That is just weird. Since when do birds carry money and not the bird flu?" He shrugged and walked twards the house. "I'm not complaining."

He walked into the house and went around the corner. "Hey you! Have you seen this chick?" When the man started speeking noncence in spanish Leon put away the picture. He looked up and was greeted by an ax coming down on his head. "WHAT THE HELL?! ARE YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING BUDDY?....Can I have some?" the villager kept walking twards Leon and he sighed. "Fine have it your way. I find it myself." He shot the villager in the head and he fell. "Now to find that weed…" Leon started looking. His phone thingy whent off and he looked at who it was.

"Hunnigeeeeen"

"Hey Leon. Did you find the girl?"

"No but this high villager wouldn't share his weed so I shot him and I'm looking for his stash now.

"Leon, forget the weed. Just move on, ok?"

"But…But…" He started to whine.

"Now." She dissapeared off the phone thingy and he sighed.

An engine started outside and Leon ran to the door. "Those basterds better not be taking off with out me!" He growled. He saw a truck run their car off the road and down into the river below. "Oh shit!" He heard more villagers and Leon ran upstairs. He looked out the window. "Shot there's like…A Million of them!"

He looked around and found bullets. "Greeeeeaaat. Bullets. Why the hell does a guy with a ax and no gun need bullets in his house anyway?" Leon asked himself. He shrugged and jumped out of the window. "WEEEEEEE!!!" He landed and rolled. "Woh! I didn't know I could do that! Oh shit."

The villagers were crowding around him and he screamed like a little girl. He closed his eyes and shot randomly. When his gun finaly clicked empty, he opened his eyes and saw 3 dead villgers. "YAY! I did it!" He stood proudly. "Alright, now I have to move on…"

He sighed and kept walking. He found a small hut with more bullets and some more money in boxes, as well as a typewrighter. "What the hell? Why is there a freeking type wrighter here?" He got a smile on his face and typed "Dear who ever reads this. You stink! Love, Leon." He laughed and walked away.

He heard whineing and came across a dog in a bear trap. "AWWWWW! Who would want to do this to a poor doggie woggie?" He asked, tears starting to form in his eyes. He opened the trap and the dog ran away. "Oh, You're welcome!...Bitch." He muttered.

He soon came across a black wire in the trees. "Woh. I wonder what this is." He thouched it and it blew up, throwing him back to the hard dirt and rock wall. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" He cried for ten minutes then stood up. "…How did that not kill me?" He wondered. HE looked up and saw a villager standing there. "Dude! That whole time I was crying, you could have been Hacking me to pieces! What the Hell?!" he yelled at the villager. "You such a dumb ass!" He laughed. The villager yelled something and started running at Leon. "Oh shit." He fumbled around and reloaded his gun and shot the villager in the head. "HA! Take that!"

Leon made his way into another hut and found a dead villager chick in the wall. "EWWWWWW! GROOOOOSS!" He snuck past it and knifed the boxes and found more bullets and an herb. "POT!" He hugged the plant. He rolled it up and smoked it. "WOW! I feel 10 times better! HURAAAAAGH!!!! LETS GO KICK SOME VILLAGER ASS!!!"

He ran out of the hut, killed the villagers stading at the bridge and then blew up a guy standing in a hut with a random granade that he had found. "I WIN! WOOOO-…….OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Leon had tripped on a rock and was crying again by a huge wooden door. "Stupid rock….stupid gate…..stupid villagers not wanting to share their pot…." He grumbled as he opened the gate.

Well that's chapter one. Yes Leon is a bit OOC, but Ashley will be too. I will make Leon more manly, but I just wanted to make him OOC for this chapter. SO NO FLAMES ABOUT THAT! THANKS! Anyway, please Review and tell me what you think! HAVE A GREAT DAY!


	2. Why Wont you Die!

Resident Evil 4 Parody

Chapter 2

Why won't you die?!

As Leon pushed the huge gate open, he saw smoke from a fire. "Sweet! Maybe there are some people here!" As he ran towards the village, he stopped by a tree and took out a pair of random binoculars. She looked though them and saw one of the police officer's in the fire. "Ewwwwww….gross….." he put the binoculars away and ran into the village yelling and shooting randomly.

The zombies came at him with axes and pitch forks and different things. She shot one after the other in the head. "Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! YOU DEEEEEAD!!!" It was then he ran into a nearby house and ran up stairs. "OOOOH! A shot gun! Sweeeeet!" He took it from its place and then froze in his tracks. He heard the buzzing of a chain saw.

"Zombies know how to use one of those? What the hell?!" Jus then a zombie with a chain saw burst through the door downstairs and started to run at Leon. He panicked and shoot the zombie in the leg, making him fall. Then Leon unleashed ten shoots of the shot gun to the head and the zombie stood up.

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!" He yelled and ran towards the window. He jumped out yelling "WEEEEEEEE!" and landed in a roll again. The chainsaw zombie followed and landed with a thud under the window. "Crap." Leon ran and all of a sudden, a bell ran from no where and random zombies appeared saying random crap like "Lord Saddler" and "La Cabaña" and so on.

"Where's everyone going? To smoke Pot? I WANT SOOOOOOOOOME!!!"

XXX

Yeah short, but oh well. The beginning of the story doesn't have much to work off of soooooo yeah. Hope you enjoyed this one!


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